mothers and children and friends and inbetweens

So there is this change of relationships between mothers and their children, and vice-versa. It starts out with the mother being all mother, the child being all child. There is nourishment, support, love, affection (in what should be normal cases, but perhaps should be labeled "ideal"). As the child grows there are times when the mother can become a friend, talk about things not just as a mother but a peer. But she will have to return to being a mother: disciplining, teaching, sometimes being appreciated, and sometimes, perhaps, even hated. The child is part of this imperfect balance, swaying it along from one side to the other, depending on the situation, maturity, needs, wants.

And gradually the relationship moves more and more toward friendship. The mother will still have those special maternal influences and aspects, and the child will still sometimes seek those, but more and more they will become companions. Intellectually more equal, though each have always and will always learn from the other. the mother will have less a teaching role, learning things from her child, and the child able to bring new things and ideas to the mother. But it is not always easy to know when to be part of which role. The mother sometimes being mother when she should be friend. Sometimes friend when she should be mother. The child sometimes being child when a friend is needed. Sometimes being a friend when it is better to be a child.

And after the more mutual stage has endured--perhaps the longest of the three--and the child has children, too, possibly, the mother will lose certain abilities and age and life will show their toll. The child now is turning into the mother, supporting, loving, caring for her. Instead of being taken from one place to another, getting fed... physical and emotional needs met by the mother, as was the case when birthed, the roles are completely reversed. The child is now caring for the mother, even to the most intimate of details, and simplest of things that can no longer be done independently.

And this is how one of the circles of life returns to meet its proverbial beginning, and continue on.




Happy 89th, Grandma.